I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
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