Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
