At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
