I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
you inspire me to be a worse person
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
