You just made me feel so damn special
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
