Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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