So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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