I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
