It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
