Having a random hookup so left but love u
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
