if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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