I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize