she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
