Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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