You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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