living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
