I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
