Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
You took a bar mat shot.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
