guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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