I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You were trust falling into bushes
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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