I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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