a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
