well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
