you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
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