forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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