I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
