you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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