i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
