ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Randomize
