I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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