Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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