I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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