i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize