I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Is this like a preordered booty call?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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