Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
