Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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