I think i peed on brittanys purse
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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