bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I look better un-naked...
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
