Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
