For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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