just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
