official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
