try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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