I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
