i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
