I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
