Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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