It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
