you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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