I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
