we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize