uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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