Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
