Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
