Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
