My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I puked a lego.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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