If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
