im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
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