i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
