I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
