Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
should my penis look like a turkey
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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