bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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