just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
