If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
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