please come you make the beer taste better
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
She needs sedatives and a leash
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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