How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
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