First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
