Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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