dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
